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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
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