her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.