she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.