she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.