I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???