Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (254)

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  I'M GETTING MARRIED!

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  YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!

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  (254): I'M GETTING MARRIED! (512): YOU'RE STILL MARRIED! http://tfl.nu/48vu
  Replies (38) Good night (4348) Bad night (2230)
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  Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

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  (254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx
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  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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  (254): Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me. http://tfl.nu/nie2
  Replies (9) Good night (3782) Bad night (846)
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  Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced

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  (254): Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced http://tfl.nu/tkdm
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  Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.

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  (254): Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick. http://tfl.nu/p5hu
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  did you find a tooth?

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  did you lose one?

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  (512): did you find a tooth? (254): did you lose one? http://tfl.nu/1ieh
  Replies (16) Good night (3418) Bad night (1193)
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  I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.

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  (254): I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me. http://tfl.nu/dyjh
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  oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick

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  (254): oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick http://tfl.nu/vqpx
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  The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium

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  (254): The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium http://tfl.nu/41rv
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  Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.

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  Tornado warnings are fun!

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  (254): Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows. (254): Tornado warnings are fun! http://tfl.nu/9sqb
  Replies (13) Good night (3176) Bad night (908)
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  I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

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  (254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer... http://tfl.nu/1ty6
  Replies (28) Good night (3111) Bad night (6295) Order T-Shirt
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  They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call

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  (254): They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call http://tfl.nu/bvwc
  Replies (23) Good night (3091) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
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  Im just a social blackout drinker.

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  (254): Im just a social blackout drinker. http://tfl.nu/yfwk
  Replies (6) Good night (2934) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
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  In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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  (254): In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fy1k
  Replies (8) Good night (2814) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt