I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.