thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Someone shit on the floor
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"