Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (216)

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  So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail

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  (216): So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail http://tfl.nu/m6e0
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  I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.

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  (216): I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed. http://tfl.nu/uoo7
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  Someone shit on the floor

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  (216): Someone shit on the floor http://tfl.nu/4f0v
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  He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.

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  (216): He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract. http://tfl.nu/wrx8
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  my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

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  i'd get off the bar first.

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  (216): my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing? (1-216): i'd get off the bar first. http://tfl.nu/xsi2
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  make any headway on the foot/dick situation?

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  (216): make any headway on the foot/dick situation? http://tfl.nu/ein6
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  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

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  damn...impressive bar tab

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  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
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  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
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  Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.

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  (216): Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat. http://tfl.nu/4sne
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  She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

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  (216): She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass. http://tfl.nu/vn76
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  I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.

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  (216): I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick. http://tfl.nu/pduu
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  My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

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  (216): My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak. http://tfl.nu/lf5p
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  there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay

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  (216): there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay http://tfl.nu/f4sg
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  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

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  i hate you

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  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
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  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

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  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
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