The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight