I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move