i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.