By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"