turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.