God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.