Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
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Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
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How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.