Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.