When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're like the curious george of whores
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I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?