I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.