Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.