We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"