Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (512)

Last Night in Texas (512)

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the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.

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(512): the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like. http://tfl.nu/1vno

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Did yall have sex?

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Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?

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Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen

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(512): Did yall have sex? (214): Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count? (512): Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen http://tfl.nu/ro48

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its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c

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he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

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(512): he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success. http://tfl.nu/9rt5

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dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.

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(512): dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce. http://tfl.nu/89y8

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were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

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(512): were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself. http://tfl.nu/ien5

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clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.

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(512): clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar. http://tfl.nu/1hcy

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He told me I remind him of his sister...

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Was this before or after you did it?

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before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.

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(512): He told me I remind him of his sister... (917): Was this before or after you did it? (512): before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during. http://tfl.nu/66ff

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Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.

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(512): Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out. http://tfl.nu/0209

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HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?

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(512): HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter? http://tfl.nu/9l91

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so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....

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oh shit that had to have been awkward

(210): View more from Texas

i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for

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(210): so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it..... (512): oh shit that had to have been awkward (210): i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for http://tfl.nu/r8iv

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i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

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(512): i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy http://tfl.nu/sv21

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I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.

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(512): I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up. http://tfl.nu/4fq7

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I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

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(512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone. http://tfl.nu/t7gq

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Can Purell be used as lube?

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(512): Can Purell be used as lube? http://tfl.nu/e9pj

Replies (37) Good night (541) Bad night (3918) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in Texas (512)

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