I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.