this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.