Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.