bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.