don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.