I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.