Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.