sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.