I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.