Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes