i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish