watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car