I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.