We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys