Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (512)

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.

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  (512): Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker. http://tfl.nu/5qzf
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.

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  (512): i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th. http://tfl.nu/3s5y
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  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (4976) Bad night (541)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yes. For all mankind please do.

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  (512): The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her? (319): Yes. For all mankind please do. http://tfl.nu/4jly
  Replies (49) Good night (4663) Bad night (615)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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  (512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one? (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go. http://tfl.nu/pwrk
  Replies (18) Good night (3678) Bad night (551)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number

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  (512): Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not! (1-512): well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number http://tfl.nu/3fc4
  Replies (21) Good night (596) Bad night (3103)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
  Replies (64) Good night (2621) Bad night (721)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.

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  (512): I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related. http://tfl.nu/b1mq
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it hurts more in the daytime

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  (512): it hurts more in the daytime http://tfl.nu/5j5m
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  (512): View more from Texas

  hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.

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  (512): hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes. http://tfl.nu/z5fi
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  (512): View more from Texas

  my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??

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  (512): my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college?? http://tfl.nu/kvis
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  (512): View more from Texas

  If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.

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  (512): If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch. http://tfl.nu/hocy
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  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

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  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2489) Bad night (577)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.

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  (512): did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training. http://tfl.nu/gmkx
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are

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  (512): I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are http://tfl.nu/go0u
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