I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"