Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.