you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country