It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags