Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?