I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope my margaritas pass through security.