i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right