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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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