Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid