I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
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C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life