I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.