I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ambien. No doubt about it.
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son