I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.