Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.