i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.