the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.