Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)