The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.