She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level