He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is my lip ring still in your hair?