I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.