I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life