I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.