we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it