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im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
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