Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."