You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am