apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.