My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.