Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.