dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss