Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me