He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.