just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....