Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint