i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
zippers are such a cool invention
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
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"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.