My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?