My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night