halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....