I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.