Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.