im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.