I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon