He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts