Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar