Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (978)

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  its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.

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  college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.

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  (856): its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer. (978): college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you. http://tfl.nu/udtk
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  it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny

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  (978): it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny http://tfl.nu/hpxx
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  highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

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  (978): highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother. http://tfl.nu/jmn9
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  I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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  (978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7
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  my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame

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  (978): my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame http://tfl.nu/nyuc
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  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

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  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
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  Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.

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  (978): Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success. http://tfl.nu/7k1i
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  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

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  dude are you serious?

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  I know you already have a pic on your phone

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  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
  Replies (95) Good night (2432) Bad night (2955)
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  I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

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  (978): I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work. http://tfl.nu/5w8x
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  Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?

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  (978): Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am? http://tfl.nu/38zg
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  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
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  Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.

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  (978): Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant. http://tfl.nu/yb46
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  During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand

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  (978): During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand http://tfl.nu/wt71
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  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

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  (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo http://tfl.nu/rg6x
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  mornings like this make me wish i was morman.

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  (978): mornings like this make me wish i was morman. http://tfl.nu/eeuj
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