High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week