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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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