i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...