you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.